Good Idea?

So, I'm up in the office this morning, walking back to my desk, and I notice a woman out in the parking lot putting up a sunshade in her truck. That in and of itself is not unusual, but she was putting it on the OUTSIDE of the truck! I even watched her put it under the windshield wipers.

I'm not sure why she was putting it on the outside of the truck, but she did. Before lunch, we noticed that they did indeed blow down as we expected. But, on the bright side, she's warming up the engine for when she gets off of work.

Oh, wait...

Think before he speaks!

My mom and my sister are both preachers wives and over the weekend they went to a preacher's wives conference.

When I saw them this weekend at my parents house, they showed me and dad this video (over dial-up which took forever)

Anyway, this is too funny. Maybe it's because I'm a preachers kid and they are talked about as much as preachers wives. Maybe it's because I've gone to church my entire life, and I've heard many a sermon illustration with their wife and or kids.



Go ahead and watch it. It's not long (unless you have dial-up and even then it's worth it).

It's too Funny!

Ram it?

Today, I went out to lunch with a few of the guys at work and as we were walking to the car, we passed this Dodge truck, and well, I guess the tag and pictures say it all.



For those that can't read the tag, it says "If you can't Dodge it, Ram it!"

Looks like he did.

Ouch

Ouch is actually an understatement.

My wife tells me I can be hurt doing the most ordinary things, and Friday was no exception!

I went to my grandparents to mow their yard. Not so much for the grass, but for the leaves. So I get there, get me a Dr. Pepper, and we talk for a while. I then go out, set my Dr. Pepper on the deep freeze, and proceed to mow.

I get finished up, and my grandpa went out for burgers, and anyone know me, knows I love burgers! Anyway, I go inside (with my Dr. Pepper) and sit and talk to my grandma.

While we were talking, I finished up my Dr. Pepper, and I tilted my head all the way back and tapped out the last few drops when something fell into my mouth. I wasn't sure what it was, but it was something that didn't go in a Dr. Pepper, so I make an eww type sound as I sit up in my chair to get rid of this intruder into my mouth.

Now, for those that don't know, my grandmother has always had a nice clean house. Always. So instead of just spitting out my pop all over her new wood floors, I try to spit it back into my can. And for the most part, I'm successful, but I did make a mess, which I felt really bad about. I rush into the kitchen and dump out the pop to see what was in it. And some of you may already know, but it was a BEE!!!! It must have flown into my pop while I was outside.

It was disgusting, but at least it wasn't a finger or something else.... wait.... ouch.... my tongue... it hurts... THAT BEE STUNG MY TONGUE!!!!

We've all been stung my bees I'm sure, but never in the tongue. This brings new meaning to the word pain. It made my ears hurt. Where I was stung swelled up a bit (but not chokingly big) I went to the bathroom to look at my tongue, not because of I needed a mirror, I could look on just about any flat surface at my grandmothers house and find a mirror, but for lighting. Anyway, what is that I see? That don't look right. Is it the stinger? So I ask

gra-ma, dhu you ave some twethers? (I told you my tongue hurt)

Well, we finally find some tweezers, and yep! It was the stinger, so I got it out about 5 minutes or so after getting stung! Well, my grandmother is now officially freaking out. She's ready for me to go to the hospital. I kept telling her I was going to be fine, but she knew I was just going to swell right up and die in front of her. So, to calm her down, I decided to call my wife... strike that, I'll call my mom, my wife would just laugh at me.

Well, I couldn't get my mom, so I call my wife. When she answered I started off with, don't laugh till we are done. And she confirmed what I told grandma, I would be alright. And my wife didn't dissappoint me either, before we hung up the phone, she was laughing!

And as an update, its been 29 hours since I got stung, and my tongue is still sore. Not real bad, but sore.

Talk like a Pirate Day Update

Talk like a pirate day was a blast. I had a lot of fun with it, and made just about everyone I met laugh. I even got several people to try it, though one couldn't even manage an "Arrrr". I found that amusing.

I hoped eveyone else had a good day as well.

Well, I'm off to Cassville, MO. I'm going on a men's retreat up there, and plan on doing some Trout Fishing!!! I can't wait.

Compilng

This is just to funny not to share. Of course, it may only be funny since it's the line of work I'm in...


And I've done stuff like this while compiling. hehe

Confusion

Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

Smile

I just got an email that really made me chuckle. So I wanted to share and hopefully cause some smiles in the process.

1. At Lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercome. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can on your desk and Label It "In". (I've done this!)
5. Put Decaf in the Coffee Maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. In the Memo Field of all your checks, write "For smuggling diamonds" (this would be too funny!)
7. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the Prophecy." (Again too funny!)
8. Dont use any punctuation
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "To Go"
12. Sing Along at the Opera.
13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme?
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day. (I soooo want to do this!)
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you are not in the mood.
16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom.
17. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won!"
18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start running towards the parking lot, Yelling "Run for your Lives, they're loose!"
19. Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.

Merry Christmas Adam!

I just wanted to wish everyone a Very Merry Christmas Adam!

What?

You don't know what Christmas Adam is?

Well, even my 6 year old can tell you that Adam came before Eve.

:)

End of Year Greetings.

For my Democratic Friends:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

We also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the generally accepted calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great.

Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. And without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishes.

By accepting these greetings you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for herself or himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher.

This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.


For my Republican Friends:

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!!


And for all other political affiliations:

Hi.

Who's on First?

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on First?" might have turned out something like this:



Costello calls to buy a computer from Abbott

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business? What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal? What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers.? What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOT T: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
???????? (A few days later)
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on "START"...........

Mothers Milk

This is just too good not to share with you.

I will also say that this is probably the funniest drawing I have seen my son do yet.

It appears that my son has a journal that they do at school each day. They write a sentence and draw a picture.

On November 8th, as you can see below, the sentence was "Mothers feed their babies milk."

So, what does my son draw? A naked woman with boobs. A baby at one boob, another kid in the background, and it appears the other boob is leaking. hehe. Click on the picture for a better view. It's too funny.

Language Arts Test

So, this is funny, especially if you know me. I expected at 60%, not a 98%. Proof it was an easy test.

Your Language Arts Grade: 98%

Way to go! You know not to trust the MS Grammar Check and you know "no" from "know." Now, go forth and spread the good word (or at least, the proper use of apostrophes).

Are You Gooder at Grammar?
Make a Quiz

Baptism

This is the funniest thing I've seen in a very long time.
It's only 1:28, but worth every second. I'd even suggest it on dial-up. Especially if you go to church.

Police Comments?

I received an email today that said the 15 comments below were taken from actual police car videos around the country.

Is that true or is this just another funny list? I'm not sure, but from the police officers I know, I think there is a good chance these are real.

Anyway, here they are, enjoy.


The following 15 Police Comments were taken from actual police car videos around the country...

#15. "Relax; the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

#14. "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

#13. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that's the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."

#11. "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

#10. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

#9. "Warning? You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

#8. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Is Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."

#6. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

#5. "No, sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

#4. "Just how big were those two beers?"

#3. "In God we trust, all others we run through CPIC/NCIC."

#2. "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

And ... THE BEST ONE!

#1 "You didn't think we gave pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't - Sign here."

What Superhero are you?

Today, while trolling some blogs, I ran across this Superhero personality test.

Being the geek I am, I had to give it a try.


You are Spider-Man



You are intelligent, witty, a bit geeky and have great power and responsibility.

Spider-Man		100%
Superman		65%
Robin		58%
Green Lantern		55%
Iron Man		50%
Supergirl		48%
Catwoman		45%
Wonder Woman		43%
The Flash		35%
Batman		25%
Hulk		20%

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz

WARNING: if you try to post your results on your blog, you may have problems as you can tell my how this post turned out. I think blogger doesn't like tables. Give it a try anyway and let me know what you are.

I thought I saw a Kangaroo?

I could just imagine a little kid telling their mom or dad.

Kid: "Mom, I just saw a Kangaroo!"
Mom: "No you didn't. There are no Kangaroo's in Oklahoma"
Kid: "But I did, I did, I did see a Kangaroo!"

Well, there was a Kangaroo loose in OKC over the weekend.

That's funny.

What kind of American English do you speak?

Ok, so while I was taking the Sesame Street personality test, I also ran across this test.

I was glad to see it showed 0% Yankee.

Your Linguistic Profile:

65% General American English

20% Dixie

5% Midwestern

5% Upper Midwestern

0% Yankee

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

Sesame Street Personality

My friend Kim over at Momma Moments had posted her results of a Sesame Street Personality test she had taken.
I thought it was very amusing. So I went over and took it myself.

You Are Bert

Extremely serious and a little eccentric, people find you loveable - even if you don't love them! You are usually feeling: Logical - you rarely let your emotions rule you You are famous for: Being smart, a total neat freak, and maybe just a little evil How you live your life: With passion, even if your odd passions (like bottle caps and pigeons) are baffling to others

The Sesame Street Personality Quiz

MyHeritage face recognition

Ok, this is just too funny not to share.
While listening to Air1 yesterday and today, they were talking about a Celebrity Face Recognition from MyHeritage.com found at MyHeritage face recognition - Find the Celebrity in You

So, after hearing what people were saying, I decided to go and see what it said who I looked like.

The site says use large, front-facing straight faces. I couldn't find a picture like that on my laptop (probably have better ones at home). But I used one anyway.

When I got the list of who I looked like, I couldn't help but laugh.

First on my list was Fabio Cannavaro at 74%. For those that don't know, he is an Italian Football (aka soccer) player and plays for Real Madrid. (Now if only the rest of my body looked like his, that would be good!)

Second on the list was John Travolta at 71%.

I may try again when I get home and can find a better front facing photo. I think that will really matter, because everyone they linked me to were smiling and had their head's were not completly front facing.

To share in the laugh, here you go.